Excuses

Alright fellow viewers, I know I haven't posted in, like, a year. So to avoid becoming the most hated blog in America, prepare for the most terrible excuse you could ever imagine. While walking with my dog by a pond on a sunny day, I noticed Mandy, my dog, was becoming especially jumpy. I turn around to find a 10 ft, no a 50 ft gator following us!!!! Its teeth were like razors, they could slice rock if he wanted them to. His beady red eyes locked mine. For a moment, I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. My friends and family, my horse. I did not want to die. There are so many things that have yet to be accomplished, why, that very day I had an appointment to help Super Man stop the evil villain and save the world. No. I just couldn't die. I would have to fight. The gator circled. I was terrified. His tail threatened to swipe me into the pond were his buddies were cheering him on. Mandy was going nuts. I released the leash. She stood where she was. The gator let out an ear shattering growl. Then, all was silent. A splash behind me. I turn. Wrong move. The gator lunges knocking be on my backside. He clamps down on my left arm. With my free hand, I poke him in the eye before he has a chance to do his death role. No outcome. To my horror I realize that the protective see-through eyelids have closed, resulting my technique in failure. I only had a few seconds before the gator would role, tearing my arm from its socket. I meditated for a split second. I lightning bolt hit me and I became INVINCIBLE. I grabbed the gator's throat and wretched him away from my body, and to my despaire he had a severed arm dangling from his mouth. I dangled the 2 ton gator in mid air, my adrenalin masking the pain from my arm-less shoulder. The gator flinched, Throwing me off balance, he grabbed my 4 fingers in his mouth. No pain. I jump in the air and do a 720 delivering a deathly blow to his skull. He lands with a thud on the ground, taking my fingers and arm with him. So, I tell you it is difficult to type with only a thumb left, and a missing arm. You may yell at me through your comments, and if that is so, I see no reason to continue blogging. So as Thumper's daddy says "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".